This is a hold-up pard'ner...

So we arrive back from jeeping around 5PM and it's time to clean up for our "Romantic River Boat Tour." We show up at 7PM with pre-purchased tickets in hand...We're greeted at the door by a guy decked out in cowboy attire...Ok, so this is a "Cowboy, Romantic River Boat Tour"...got it! He passes us off to Billy the Kid who proceeds to sit us down at lunchroom style seating...Yes, I'm talking about high school lunch room, with 400 other people, half of which were senior citizens doing their best to become intoxicated! Sound romantic yet? After the rest of the romantic couples are seated along with their obnoxious kids, door cowboy tells the crowd how to proceed through the food line starting with table 1 and working down the line. If you know my family, you know we're already leery of following 250 people down a food line they have all breathed on and quite possible touched...We await patiently and try to forgo thoughts of bacteria on the spoon handles and sneezes on the rolls. Just as our table is summoned, Cow "Boy" George races from across the room, faster than if he were on his horse "Lightning" and holds our table up...What? O.K. maybe the line is getting clogged and he is trying to let it thin out a bit...NO, to our dismay, and the other 60 people sitting at our table, George, with a flit of his hand allows the other 200 people at the OTHER END of the room to ascend upon the grub line! DID I MENTION I'M PREGNANT????? I was standing; already headed toward the lunch line, so why sit down? It's the perfect opportunity to confront Cowboy George. He didn't really have an explanation as to why he unjustly quarantined our table...As I continued to try to make sense of Cowboy George's non-explanation, Dad and Ronnie along with several furious women from our table also came to my side...Cowboy George didn't care...We were ready to string him up-It's a good thing there was no rope readily available...As we FINALLY got our food, a cowpoke server decided he would try to smooth out the feelings of 60+ furious people...He begins to do pervy napkin tricks...to MY MOM, no less!!!! Can you imagine??? We're ready to KILL these people and they think dirty napkin tricks will make us happy!!!! HOW ROMANTIC!!!! After the chow line altercation we were then herded to the "Romantic Boat". Through a curtain of mosquito birds, we boarded the love boat...for a light show on the river! The door cowboy narrated the trip up river for an hour...It was ok, he told us about the history of Moab and pointed out some features of the rock that we wouldn't have seen otherwise, and that was pretty neat...Then, just as the sun made it's final decent the light show began! From across the way lights flashed on from nowhere...Actually, wait, it was a truck with 10 big flood lights strapped to the top, driving on the road alongside the boat, shining them on the rocks! It was narrated by a deep booming voice that told us all about Brigham Young and his contribution to Utah...Don't get me wrong, I like history...but ROMANTIC???? Are you kidding? They did turn off the lights and played Chariots of Fire as we floated back down the river for an hour and looked at the 4 stars that were visible through the clouds...Maybe that was the romantic part, but me and Patrick just discussed the best methods for peeing over the side of the boat...Don't ask me why every entry has a potty story...it just happens!!! Finally we get back, get out of the mosquitoes, and call it a rootin' tootin' cowboy romantic boat tour night!!!!!